Are You Ready for Relationship Counseling?

Over the many years that I have been working with couples on their relationships, I have noticed that many couples begin counseling not knowing what to expect. If couples are prepared for the process of relationship counseling, the work generally progresses more rapidly and the chance of a positive outcome increases. There are two main tasks in relationship counseling; gaining insight and making behavior changes. During counseling sessions the goal is to gain insight and understanding, about yourself, your partner, your history, and the current state of your relationship. Outside of session the goal is to create behavior change based on the insight and understanding gained during session, with a focus on the overall direction that the couple wants to take their relationship. For example, if the goal is to create more emotional connection in the relationship, then in-session work would help the couple to understand how each of their histories makes it easy or difficult for them to achieve emotional connection, how each views the current emotional connection in the relationship, and then what behavioral changes are necessary to achieve the desired emotional connection. In-session work can also focus on practice of the desired behavioral changes. Once the couple leaves the counseling office, it is up to each of them to follow through with homework assignments and change their behavior in a way that makes it more likely they will achieve the desired goal. I have never seen a relationship where it is just one person who is causing the relationship issues. Both partners need to accept that they are part of the problem and the solution, and come to counseling prepared to be open to exploring their relationship in such a way that they will leave session ready to work on creating lasting changes.